Still hoping..
I talked to zu two nights ago. She said "zu bahgia kak.." She sent me her wedding photos. How sweet. And her husband’s smile looks like someone that I knew and loved one time ago. Jealous? Of course. Zu is considered as one of my student. Of course I had the feeling. But i'm happy to know that she is happy since I know how much pain she experienced with love before. I told her everything about me. Something that i still hide from other friends.
After deciding that i have to stop thinking about Ash.. I feel free. very very free. But I realized that I still hope that he will call me.. sms me.. talk to me. I always check my phone. I always check my Inbox, when I receive sms I imagine that the sms is from him before I saw the name of the senders. Again... its frustrating. I make sure that I have credits for my prepaid, worrying that i'm not able to reply his messages. But it never happen bcoz he never sent any to me anymore. I miss him so much. And I don't know why. I didn't tell him that I want to break off so, it considered as I never broke up with him. But I totally lost him. He lost in silent. It happen again after a few years. After the love story with Zuami ended without notice. I really wonder why I should experience this pain again and again. And it makes my family think that someone 'kenakan' and I have to go for 'berubat kampung'. Which is out of my believe system. But as a good daughter, I did what they want. It hurts…really hurts… they are expecting me to at least engage this year. It might not happen after what happen between me and Ash..
I sms sa'adah last nite.. she is getting married this november. I called Nordin, who is still frust bcoz sa'adah is getting married with someone else. Thank god I never have enemy in this world. Everybody is my friend and most of them are my bestfriends who I can talk, trust and share my feeling. The only thing is I seldomly share my real feelings. I'm a good figure in in their eyes. Bcoz they saw me as someone who is very strong and patient.
Yesterday two of my friends unintentionally sent wrong messages to me. It supposed to be sent to their fiancée and hubby. One of it was “ Yang… drive elok2 yer.. orang tunggu Yang sampai” . Aduss..
In my solat hajat every night, "Ya Allah..tabahkan hatiku menghadapi semua dugaanmu" Amin..
After deciding that i have to stop thinking about Ash.. I feel free. very very free. But I realized that I still hope that he will call me.. sms me.. talk to me. I always check my phone. I always check my Inbox, when I receive sms I imagine that the sms is from him before I saw the name of the senders. Again... its frustrating. I make sure that I have credits for my prepaid, worrying that i'm not able to reply his messages. But it never happen bcoz he never sent any to me anymore. I miss him so much. And I don't know why. I didn't tell him that I want to break off so, it considered as I never broke up with him. But I totally lost him. He lost in silent. It happen again after a few years. After the love story with Zuami ended without notice. I really wonder why I should experience this pain again and again. And it makes my family think that someone 'kenakan' and I have to go for 'berubat kampung'. Which is out of my believe system. But as a good daughter, I did what they want. It hurts…really hurts… they are expecting me to at least engage this year. It might not happen after what happen between me and Ash..
I sms sa'adah last nite.. she is getting married this november. I called Nordin, who is still frust bcoz sa'adah is getting married with someone else. Thank god I never have enemy in this world. Everybody is my friend and most of them are my bestfriends who I can talk, trust and share my feeling. The only thing is I seldomly share my real feelings. I'm a good figure in in their eyes. Bcoz they saw me as someone who is very strong and patient.
Yesterday two of my friends unintentionally sent wrong messages to me. It supposed to be sent to their fiancée and hubby. One of it was “ Yang… drive elok2 yer.. orang tunggu Yang sampai” . Aduss..
In my solat hajat every night, "Ya Allah..tabahkan hatiku menghadapi semua dugaanmu" Amin..
posted by z'kea m.s @ 8:50 PM
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